It’s Not Me, It’s My Dosha: understanding children’s behaviour through an Ayurvedic lens
If becoming a mother of multiple children has taught me anything, it’s that we are all born wonderfully unique. My three sons are so wildly different, that I’ve discovered a deep appreciation for all of our individual expressions; including a deeper sense of authenticity in myself. Raising them to be true to themselves has been one of the greatest joys of motherhood. But it doesn’t come without challenges. To really honour their individual needs requires not only an abundance of empathy, understanding and compassion but an awareness of how to support them in restoring and maintaining balance in their lives.
Enter Ayurveda. This ancient healing science is rooted in India and in Sanskrit translates to ‘The Science of Life’. It is a holistic system of healing founded on the idea that every person has a unique mind-body constitution, also known as a ‘dosha’, and that maintaining balance within our dosha is the key to our wellbeing.
It’s potent wisdom offers practical guidance that has helped me support and celebrate both my own, and my children’s, individuality.
Ayurveda is built around the five elements of air, ether, fire, water and earth and each dosha is a combination of these elements with corresponding qualities that are expressed in our children’s physical, mental and emotional attributes. The three doshas are known as: Vata (air and ether), Pitta (fire and water), and Kapha (earth and water).
Vata children are thin and lightly built. They are energetic and enthusiastic, social and creative. They feel the cold and can be fussy eaters.
Pitta children are of medium build. They are competitive and driven and prone to perfectionism. They can overheat easily and are strong eaters.
Kapha children tend to have a plumper, sturdier build. They are deep sleepers and are calm, sweet and sensitive. They love mealtimes and snacking.
You may be able to identify your child’s dosha immediately or you may find that they are a combination of two or even all three of the doshas, known as tri-doshic. Once you’ve determined their primary dosha, you will become more aware of imbalances. For example, an imbalance for Vata children may show up as fatigue, spaciness, difficulty falling asleep and anxiety. Aggravated Vata is also associated with ADHD symptoms. Perhaps you have a child who is struggling to focus on a task or dragging out bedtime; it could be their Vata dosha is out of whack.
For Pitta children, imbalance may present as fiery outbursts, skin rashes, restless sleep or loose bowels. If you’re child is overly impatient, is having regular angry outbursts or is being particularly critical and demanding, it could be due to an out-of-balance Pitta dosha.
Meanwhile, imbalanced Kapha children suffer from sluggishness, sadness, food cravings and difficulty waking in the morning. If your child has been sleeping excessively, overly congested or lethargic, it could be time to help rebalance their Kapha dosha.
Whilst Ayurveda recommends a unique approach for each dosha, there are some general rules which can apply to all three to help you and your family stay in balance:
1. First and foremost, establish a daily routine. Children need a familiar daily rhythm for healthy development and an Ayurvedic approach can help restore and maintain balance among the doshas. Ensure meals are eaten at the same times every day (as much as possible) and prioritise quality sleep with a regular bedtime routine. Ideally, children should be in bed between 7-8pm (and adults no later than 10pm). The room should be quiet and dark. Massaging the feet with sesame oil before bed is beneficial for supporting deeper sleep.
2.Eat your biggest meal in the middle of the day when digestion is at it’s strongest. In Ayurveda, healthy digestion is central to a balanced dosha. Adding spices to meals can stimulate the digestive tract (think cumin, coriander, cinnamon, cardamon, ginger and turmeric). Maintaining regular meal patterns and avoiding snacking too much can support this.
3. Eat fresh, local and seasonal foods. Whilst certain foods are recommended for each dosha, a general rule is choosing light, fresh, easy-to-digest meals (think cooked veggies, rice, porridge and dhal). Eating in a calm environment optimises digestion, and encouraging children to eat slowly can avoid overeating and resulting indigestion.
4.Introduce herbal teas to your child’s diet (if they don’t already drink them!). For Vata try soothing liquorice, chamomile or fennel, for Pitta cooling herbs like mint and rose, and for Kapha stimulating cinnamon and ginger. Golden milk is a wonderful, easy and child-friendly recipe of milk infused with spices which supports digestion and promotes sound sleep and is balancing for all three doshas.
6. Slow down and practise gratitude. Many children are overscheduled and have little time to simply be. Slowing down can help promote mindfulness and reflection and ease anxiety. Practising gratitude helps children to cultivate a positive, contented mind. You can introduce a gratitude circle at dinnertime, whereby each family member shares what they loved most about their day. This practise not only fosters gratitude, but nurtures connection and presence.
Implementing these changes in our families’ lives can have a profound effect on our children’s behaviour and overall harmony within a household. When we understand our children’s actions, and our own, from an Ayurvedic perspective, it is easier to cultivate compassion and understanding. Nature’s intelligence guides us through the science of Ayurveda, fostering patience and acceptance, which helps eliminate stress (the root cause of most imbalances and disease).
It is empowering to discover that we have everything we need to nurture balance within our children’s lives so we can love, honour and support them wholly. To quote renowned wellness expert Lissa Coffey “Ayurveda teaches us to love ‘as is’ -not as we think people ‘should be’”.
In the meantime, for more information check out the CHILDREN’S DOSHA chart.