Peace-full: cultivating solitude amidst busy family life

Peace-full

Cultivating solitude amidst busy family life can be challenging, but the benefits are profound

Growing up in England, a staple storybook of my childhood was “Five Minutes Peace” by Jill Murphy, which follows Mrs Large as she unsuccessfully attempts to seek five minutes peace from her three boisterous children.  Even if you’ve never read it, as a parent you’ll be able to relate to the challenge of seeking solitude in every day family life.

Children are hard-wired to stay close to care-givers.  For our young ancestors, too much distance could have posed a real threat.  And so, like Mrs Large, we find ourselves being followed around the house, seeking refuge in the bathroom: a temporary sanctuary for overwhelmed parents.

But can you ever truly relax when your children are just yelling-distance away?  When “Muuuuuum” or “I’m hungry” can reverberate the walls at any moment, and a sense of duty once again consumes you?

Studies show that parents are feeling more exhausted, overwhelmed and burnt out than ever.  We are living through a busyness epidemic; the antidote for overwhelm being solitude.

“Women need solitude in order to find again the true essence of themselves” shares the late Anne-Morrow Lindbergh, writer and mother-of-five, in her beloved classic ‘Gift From The Sea’ and the deeper into motherhood I fall, the more I can feel this longing.

Whereas once, it was hard to part with tiny, chubby hands and gummy grins, now as I hear the final scuffling of feet in the hallway and yells of “byyyyeeee”; I anticipate the sweet sound of silence.  Solitude.  I never really appreciated it until I became a mother and experienced firsthand the disparity of being with, and then without, my children.  My body releases a sigh, a visible letting-go of responsibility, even if just for a short while.  I often feel the urge to lie in savasana, the yogi’s resting post, and soak in the sweet and grounding sound of silence.

The benefits of solitude are many including reduced stress and an increase in self-awareness, self-acceptance and self-compassion (all of which contribute to us being calmer, more mindful parents).  Alone time can also help us listen in to who we really are, away from the demands of others.

So how do we carve out time for solitude in our busy modern lives?

According to Ayurveda, there are some simple ways we can incorporate daily rituals to cultivate the quiet space needed to balance family life:

1.     The Dawn Pause: rise before other family members – even just 15 minutes- and sit in stillness, avoiding screens, and sipping warm water to ground your nervous system.

2.     Conscious Boundaries: communicate lovingly with your partner and children.  Explain that daily quiet periods enable you to refill your energy so you can show up with more patience.

3.     Mindful Movement: Take a solo, silent walk in nature without your phone.  Let you senses absorb your natural surrounds and clear mental fog.

4.     The Twilight Wind-Down: turn off bright lights and digital devices and hour before sunset.  Share a quiet, early family meal, then transition into individual quiet time- reading and relaxing.

If you’re feeling particularly overwhelmed or ungrounded, Ayurvedic herbs and treatments can help you regain balance and wellbeing.  Reach out to a certified Ayurvedic practitioner or contact jess@soma-ayurveda.com.au

“Only when one is connected to one’s own core is one connected to others, I am beginning to discover.  And, for me, the core, the inner spring, can best be found through solitude” – Anne-Morrow Lindbergh